It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
