I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
