He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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