broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
