it's not cheating when I paid for it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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