i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
