At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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