You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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