Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
