We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
false alarm, still single
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
