Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
