the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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