My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize