Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
