I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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