That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
