I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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