Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
