I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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