umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
