just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Bring me that man meat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
