Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he was CRYING into my vagina
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
