I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
