My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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