The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
