not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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