I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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