Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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