May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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