you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
