He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
