Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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