"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
