Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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