at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
