i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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