"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
