No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
