Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
