u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
