her vagine was all disorganized.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
