the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I did not marry a roomba.
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