dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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