I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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