i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
