what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
