Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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