1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
