Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
