I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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