totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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