Well apparently he's into motor boating.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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