david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Randomize
