dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
