I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
