He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
