Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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