I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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