i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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