Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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