fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
