So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
