Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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