By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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