just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dignity is for republicans.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
