and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
