What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize