i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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