First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
