It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
