mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
