Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize