youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
