I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
