At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
