Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
