just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
