I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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