i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
