I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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