i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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