Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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