I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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