Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
