Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
