Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
