I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
