i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
