Can i not drive my cunt home
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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