You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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