Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
