Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
