What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
is that a dick in a sweater?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
