Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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