im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
