I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
