I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i've created a new STD.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
