K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
